Bill still hot for Pam.....

It's been a few months since Bill Compton has seen Pam. Like the old saying says, "Absence does make  the heart grow fonder." Night after night, his thoughts are all about Pam. Well...... here's what happened. King of the Vampires, Russell Edgington, shortly before Valentine's Day sent Bill on assignment in Ohio. Apparently, word has gotten out that some clinic out there claims it can "cure" vampires. Turns them back to humans is the claim. Word is it's The Church of Sun at it again. Russell put Bill on the case. So he's out of town. More on that later.......but here's what's been going on with Bill's obsession with Pam.

It was a typical night at Fangtasia. Crowded with fang bangers looking to hook up. Vampires looking for their next meal. Tourist wearing their teva sandals and trying to figure out who's dead and who's alive. Ginger's at the bar wearing a dress that was a bit too tight and heels that are too high. Ahhh, sweet Ginger. Mixing her drinks and not noticing when a tourist would snap pictures of her ass, as she shakes it to whatever, DJ "Dipshit", as Pam calls him, would spin. Yeah, another night. Like all nights there. Pam was at her usual spot by the door. Looking as sexy as ever. Classic Levi, red tank top and a pair of 5 inch black strappy sandals. Her hair pulled up in a tight ponytail. Casual but still sexy.

As she scanned the room, she could see there was no one to feed on tonight. The thought of a dinner of "True Blood" made her sick to her stomach. Almost like imagining herself having to listen to Ginger go on and on about her up coming Disney Cruise again.  Oh, just yesterday, Ginger was telling Pam all about it.  " Pam, I can't tell you how excited I am. I just need to get Donald and Goofy's autograph on this trip. And let me tell you my autograph book will be complete".  Pam of course had to burst her bubble and remind her, " You know your getting autograph's from people inside costumes, right?". It took an hour and some glamouring to get Ginger to calm down.

Pam had enough and headed to the back room. Her maker, Eric, was at his desk. " Ah, Pam, why does it always seem that I'm going through the mail. I'm not the only one who's works here" he reminded her as she walked through the back door. As Pam sat down on the couch, she of course had an answer for him, "Isn't that Ginger's job?" Eric leaned back in his chair, " You know damn well... that I would never let Ginger handle any mail. Especially the bills". Pointing his long right index finger at her, " Remember when I asked her give me change for a $1 once ?" Pam gives him a blank look. "Remember? " he nudges her with his words, "she gave me 84 cents back? ". Pam lets out a sigh. "And you also remember that's why we hired, Marty." Motioning with his hands, " To ring up all the orders at the bar?". Pam again blank stare. " You know the short, fat guy with the cock eye and the bad tattoos?" "Yeah, yeah", Pam replied. Eric rolls his eyes at her, "What seems to be the problem, Pamela? " Again no answer. "Well it can't be PMS. Hmmm. Hungry perhaps?". Pam let's out a sigh. " I'm just in a mood".

Eric continues looking through the bills and says, "Please Pam, you really need to on top of these things when I'm out". Pam is now sitting with her arms crossed and not saying anything. Eric looks up and sees that his "child" isn't getting it. "Pam, I'm serious. You're too important to me. I need you on top of these things".  "Fine" , Pam replies and starts heading to the door. " Fine, fine. I'm sorry. It's just after 100 years, I think you should cut me some slack". She looks back and sees that her maker is looking at an envelope very intently. "What is it?" Pam asks. Eric looks up give her a grin. " What?" , she asks again.  Still ginning Eric replies, "Looks like it's a note from....Compton." Holding up the envelope, " Is there something I should know about?" Pam's white face becomes a bit flushed. She can see that her maker has noticed. "Fine. But I don't want to hear I told you so."

Pam comes over to the desk and sits at the corner. "Remember when I helped Jessica with Bill's makeover?". Eric puts his hands up and moves his fingers to signal quotation marks , as he says, " And by "makeover" you mean getting him clothes that fit". Pam makes a face, "We cut his hair too". Eric starts grinning, "And....". Pam gets up and start walking around the room, " I think he may have gotten the wrong idea". Eric now looks serious, " What do you mean wrong idea?" Pam replies, " Well......He keeps leaving me voice mails. He even sent me flowers once to the club, while you were in Finland . He  said he brought me a gift back from Peru". Pam can feel her palms getting sweaty, " I called him and told him to leave me alone and that I was not interested. I guess he can't take no for an answer".

Eric gets up and walks toward Pam. He puts his hands on her shoulders, " Do you need me to speak with him?" Pam looks up at her maker, " Oh, thank you. I'm sorry to get you involved in this mess. I should have listened to you in the first place". Suddenly Pam's eyes, fill with tears. Bloody vampire tears. Eric embraces Pam and says, "Shhhhh, please don't cry. When I get through with Manbangs he'll never bother you again".  Pam wipes her eyes and looks up at her maker, "Are you going to kill him?". Eric gives her a toothy grin, "Nah. I'm just going to have a word with him. That's all". Sure, Eric, sure.

Hello & Sorry

My darlings, I'm soooo sorry, that I have not posted in soooooo long. Long story short , it's been a very busy 4 months for me. For starters my family and I moved to a new state and things are back to normal now. I will not leave you hanging much longer. As Bill and his pathetic self will be back in action soon.

Viking Kisses,
-Suzy-

Bill's has a new look but he's still pathetic........

It's been about a month since Bill's had his makeover. Jessica has convinced Bill to join , VampireMatch.com. So far he's been on a few dates. Yeah, he looks better but he's still as dull as dish water. So.... no repeat dates. That's alright with Bill. There's just one vampire on his mind.....Pam.

The Queen sent Bill down to Peru for two weeks ago for some "official business." No one for sure knows what that is. I'm sure it's something sleazy and underhanded. That's Compton's style. While in Lima, he bought Pam a lovely gift. Bill couldn't wait to present it to her.

Bill returns to his ancestral home on all nights.... Super Bowl Sunday. As Bill pulls up in his driveway, he notices Hoyt's pick-up is there. Bill let's out a grunt. It's not that he doesn't like Hoyt. Bill was hoping he could return to a quiet home. Maybe relax with a True Blood, maybe turn some Kenny G. on. And of course...plan his seduction of Pam Ravenscroft. As Bill turns the key into the lock, he could hear the TV on full blast and lots of yelling. Bill let's in a deep breath and walks in. Bill's plans would have to wait.

The first thing Bill sees is Hoyt. He's sitting on Bill's red couch wearing nothing but his boxer shorts. Hoyt has his legs stretched out on Bill's grandmother's coffee table. Bill notices a beer on the table. The can is sweaty and dripping all over the table with NO coaster. Not to mention the worst part, Hoyt has one hand in a bag of chips and the other is scratching his balls. Bill could feel his fangs about to come out, when Hoyt spots him.

Hoyt: " Hey there, Vampire Bill! You're just in time! The half time show is about to start."

Bill: * Let's out a grunt* " Yes, well games of violence do not interest me. Can you please use a coaster on that table. My great-grandfather made that table as a wedding gift for my parents."

Hoyt: * looks at the table* " Okay... but I ain't sure how's that gonna help... there's a big ring on the table already."

Bill closes his eyes. Trying to remember the mantra that his maker , Lorena taught him at times like this. " Must not attack. A morons blood is not good for your digestion". Just then Jessica comes through the kitchen door holding a True Blood and a bowl of cheese dip.

Jessica: * Shocked to see him* " Oh, Bill!  You're home!!! "

Bill: " Yes, I left you a message on the answering machine 2 days ago."

Hoyt: * Licking his finger* " Oh, hell, I remember hearing that message. I think I may have erased it . My bad."

Bill* Feeling his blood boiling* - "Why would you erase it?"

Jessica: " Well... Hoyt's been staying here ,while you've been gone and I told him to check the messages during the day, while I slept. No big deal. Welcome back! "

Bill: " Thank you, my child. I'll leave you two... *grunts*... to watch these barbarians. I shall retreat to my parlor to read my mail and so forth."

Hoyt: " Barbarians? Hell, Bill ! I thought you'd love football and all."

Bill: *giving Hoyt a condescending look* " Now why on Earth would I enjoy this?"

Hoyt: " Well...* giving Bill a goofy smile* " Being a Viking and all... you may have seen Rome and stuff. You know with Daniel from the bible and them lions in the den."

Jessica:* hitting Hoyt on the shoulder* "No, no ... " *smiles at Bill* " Honey, I think you're confused. Bill is from Civil War times. * whispering* " Eric is the viking".

Hoyt: * Looks at Jessica confused*: " Oh....So.... Eric seen them lions?"

Bill: " Hoyt.... *takes a deep breath* " because you are my child's beau, I shall ignore your unbelievably, bad knowledge of world history. Now.... where is my mail?."

Jessica: " On the kitchen counter".

As Bill heads into the kitchen, Jessica waits till he's in the kitchen to scold Hoyt.

Jessica: "What is wrong with you? "

Hoyt: "What?" *stuffing himself with more chips*

Jessica: " You can not make that mistake again. Bill is very sensitive about Eric.

Hoyt stares blankly at Jessica

Jessica: "You know..." * moving her hands* " With Eric being older, better looking , dating Sookie. Get it?"

Hoyt: " Oh yeah... * stares out into space for a moment*.." I get it now. Sorry, Jess. I won't do it no more."

Jessica gives him a quick kiss on the cheek.

Hoyt: " Hell, I can understand why Bill's so insecure. Hell, I'm 100% heterosexual.... as you know. *Winks* " And hell... I'd let Eric have his way with he me. That Eric Northman is damn sexy."

Of course, years of Hoyt working on county roads with no ear protection, has caused Hoyt to be quite hard of hearing. Plus Hoyt doesn't know how to whisper.... so of course...Bill heard him. "Deep breath. Must not attack. A morons blood is not good for your digestion". And so the mantra is repeated over and over again by the Pathetic Bill Compton.

Bill's Makeover, Part 9

As Bill stood in front of his full-length mirror, he wasn't sure what he hated more. His now shaved head or the suit Lafayette put him in. Lala had dressed him a dark gray, Hugo Boss suit. It wasn't ill-fitting like most of Bill's clothes, so this was a new experience for him. Change was not something that Bill Compton embraces.  Bill could hear Pam, Jessica, Hoyt and Tara in the parlor playing his Wii. Apparently, Pam was quite skilled at his bowling game. To quote Tara, "Pam was moping the floor with Hoyt". Normally, Bill liked his women weak and needy. Bill enjoys having the upper hand. Sick, I know. Bill Compton is really a shrink's wet dream. However, Bill found Pam to be the exception. He found himself daydreaming of Pam putting him over her knee and spanking him. "Oh, Billy, you've been a bad, bad boy". Yeah, paging Dr. Freud.

Lafayette: *standing next to Bill* "So boyfriend, what do ya think?"

Bill: *grunting a bit*: " I must say Lafayatte... I hate what you've done to my hair."

Lafayette: " Yeah, you do look like an old ass Charlie Brown......However, you will be thanking me later. "

Bill: " Oh, really? How is that?"

Lafayette: " Look... your hair was super damaged from you dying it. You needed a fresh start. Besides, as you like to say ,* putting up his hands in a quoting movement* "I'm Vampire", your hair will be grown back in a week. I'm sure you'll have a Justin Beiber hair do before you know it."

Bill: " Who is this Beiber fellow?"

Lafayette: *  throwing his hands up* : "You are the lamest motherfucker ever. So what about the suit?"

Bill: *Making a face*: "Well.... it's.... okay."

Lafayette : * raising his voice*: " Okay? Your civil war, country ass can't be serious? That's Hugo Fucking Boss , you have on!"

Bill: *Giving Lala the side eye* " Is that a friend of yours?"

Lafayette: * talking to himself* : " I swear to fucking God! This is what I get. No good deed goes unpunished."

Bill: " Look, Lafayette... I appreciate the suit but I'm not sure this is my style."

Lafayette: " Okay, what is your style? Hee Haw? Country Strong? What? Tell me, because that's a mother fucking $7500 suit on your vampire ass!"

Bill: * Looking stunned* : " What?!?!"

Lafayette: " Hell, I got that suit from an old boyfriend mine."

Bill: "You dated someone who could afford this kind of suit?"

Lafayette: " Don't look surprise, asshole. He was a senator. Besides, I'm giving it to you because that brings back too many bad memories."

Bill: * Feeling bad about being bratty*: "Well... thank you Lafayette. Your generosity is appreciated. I apologize for being so rude.* smiles* I'll wear this Huey Boss with pride."

Lafayette: " It's HUGO BOSS. And your welcome."

Lafayette starts to collect his things and starts cleaning up.

Bill: "Shall I show everyone how I look in this?"

Lafayette: " Go ahead."

Bill walks into the parlor and everyone but Pam turns around. Jessica let's out a yelp. She rushes over her maker and gives him hug.

Jessica: "Bill, you look so handsome!!!!"

Hoyt: " Look at you, Vampire Bill. So GQ."

Tara gives Bill a smile and a thumbs up. Pam meanwhile continues to play on the Wii.

Bill: " So Pam ... what is your verdict?"

Pam: * Still playing her video game, she gives Bill a quick glance*,  " Well you look nice Bill. Now shut the fuck up while I play my game. "

Bill has never been so turned on.

Part 8, Bill's Makeover

Bill Compton sits on the stool with both his legs and arms crossed. Bill is staring at the floor in his parlor ,wondering to himself,  how the hell did he allow his vampire "child", Jesscia, to talk him into this.  Here's a vampire that has for nearly two decades had no problems getting what he wants. Well... that's not really true. He lied and cheated on Sookie and lost her to the ultimate vampire, Eric Northman. Yes, but before Sookie, he remembers getting lot's of action. Well that's not true either. Bill was in a monogamous relationship , well by vampire standards, for about a hundred years with Lorena. Maybe Bill's not the player he thinks he is. Just as Bill gets his "AH HA moment" ( yes, he's obsession with Oprah may have helped him after all), Hoyt is at the door with the electric clippers.

Jessica opens the front doors and welcomes her "bubba-boy", ( yeah, that's her nickname for him. I know, gag me), with kisses. Pam looks over at them and declares, " If I wanted to see The Notebook, I'd rent it. Can you two cut the crap and let's cut Bat Boy's hair already".

Hoyt and Jessica stop their kissing and walk into the parlor hand in hand. Handing the clippers to Pam who's finishing her text message to her maker, Eric. The text reads, " Hey Boss, I should taken you up on your offer and had you video taped this. We could have been a YouTube hit".

Hoyt: *smiling* " Hey y'all! Vampire Bill, having fun yet?"

Bill grunts and keep his eyes on the floor.

Lafayette: * giving Hoyt the side eye and in a dead pan voice* : " Yeah, it's like Christmas Morning around here"

Hoyt: " Yeah, well Lafayette this is so much better than what Mama had planned"

Lafayette:* smiling*" Let me guess, boyfriend, pork rinds for dinner and Hew Haw on TV?"

Hoyt: " I wish" *Tara holding the fruit tray up to Hoyt. He grabs a handful of grapes* " Thanks Tara...Anyway..... Yeah, Mama..... well... She's got an infected hang nail and wanted me to clean it."

Pam: *Looking up from her phone*: " Are you kidding?"

Hoyt: " No, ma'am." * stuffing his face* "Last week she wanted me to help her wax her bikini line but I said no"

Lafayette: * Shaking his head* " Why haven't you and Maxine been on Springer yet ?"

Bill let's out a sigh and a cough. Pam looks over at Tara and calls her over.

Pam: " Tara, I need to take pictures of Bill's hair before I shave it"

Tara: "Cool"* Walks over to Bill and starts taking pictures. Bill is not amused.

Tara: " Smile , Bill!"

Bill: " I'm not in the mood"

Tara: " Okay. Whatever. I just thought "Smiling Bill" better than "Frowning Bill"

Bill let's out a grunts. Tara rolls her eyes, takes a few more pictures and returns to the couch.

Tara: * Looks at Pam* : " He's yours now"

Bill: " Pamela, is this truly necessary?...." Pam snaps her fingers and cuts him off.

Pam: " Quit your bitching , Billy".

Suddenly Bill notices that Pam has small dimples on her cheeks. It's a something he's never noticed before.

Bill: " Ah, Pam are those dimples on your cheeks?"

Pam: " Yeah, why" * he notices her chest moving a bit when she spoke.

Bill: " Well their quite endearing"

Pam: " What the fuck are you talking about? " * calls Lafayette over* " Hey, Lala, let's get this party started"

Lafayette: " Hold on, Hooker... you're not shaving his head. I get this one"

Pam: "Excuse me? "

Lafayette: " Come baby girl, I deserve this "

Pam: * gets really close to his face, smiling* " So what do I get in return, if I let you do this?"

Bill notices Pam is just inches from Lafayette's face. Bill finds himself dreaming of what it would be like to be in Lafayette's place. Bill notices how Pam's jeans hug her body. "How is Northman not bedding this creature every night?" he thinks to himself. Bill just can't get his eyes off Pam.

Lafayette: " A spanking?"

Pam: * Giggles* " I like how you think" *Touches Lafayette's cheek* " Here you go Lala" * Hands him the clippers

Lafayette: * stands behind Bill* "Okay, Bill time for a fresh start. Ready?"

Bill  is so distracted by Pam's ass, he doesn't notice the clumps of hair falling from his head.

Part 7, Bill's Makeover

As Bill sits on the stool in living room, he watches as Pam circles him. Her eyes are clearly on that mop on the top of his head. Bill finds himself wondering if the attraction is mutual."It must be" he thinks. Bill does think very highly of himself. Bill has had many lovers in his past. Well according to him anyway.* Eye Roll*  Not as many as that smoking hot viking, Eric Northman.  But then again , no one living or undead can measure up to Northman. Bill locks eye contact with Pam and flashes a grin. Nothing. No reaction from Pam. "What if I wink at her? ", Bill thinks to himself. Once again Pam comes around in view of his eyes. Bill winks. Pam stops dead in her tracks. " Bat Boy, please tell me that you have something in your eye. I'm in no mood for your fuckery".  Bill gasps and tries to come up with a quick and witty response. He's too late Pam has now turned her attention to Lafayette.

Pam: " Lafayette, I'm starting to think we need to just shave his head". * picking up his manbangs*

Bill: * Letting out a gasp* : "Ah... Pam.. I do not believe that is necessary. You see that my hair...."

Pam: * placing her right pointer finger to her lips* " Shhhhh" * This gets Bill a bit excited*

Lafaytte: * Looking at Bill's hair* : "Yeah, I second that".

Bill: " I will politely disagree with you both. My hair is just in need of a trim.... that's all".

Lafayette: * looks at Pam, then back at Bill* : 'Look Dracula.. You've dyed your hair so much and so often ... you need a fresh start".

Pam: * Arms crossed and grinning* : " You could be just like Brittany Spears".

Everyone let's out a giggle.

Bill: * makes a face* : " Comparing me to a woman? Who is this Spears person?"

The whole room, except for Pam are in disbelief.

Jessica: * sitting on the couch with Tara* : "Wait! Wait! You don't know who Brittany Spears is?"

Tara: * stuffing herself still with the fruit tray* " Aren't you suppose to be mainstreaming?"

Pam: " I'm not surprised" * looking at Bill with pity*

Bill: " Are you done mocking me? " *pause in the air* " Well then, who is she?"

Lafayette * Brushing Bill's hair" : " She's a pop star. Her music is the bomb.* Starts to hum, " Womanizer"* , " Anyway, one day she shaved her head Bald. Like Sined O' Connor."

Bill: " Who's Sined O'Connor"

Lafayette * Stops and looks at Bill*: " Hooker, you can't be serious?"

Tara: "Wait! Wait! You're kidding?"

Bill * shaking his head up and down* : "I am not in jesting mood" * Glances at Pam and notices she looking right him. " I can feel the heat", Bill thinks to himself, "There's hope".

Pam: "You claim that your mainstreaming, yet you have no idea who these woman are. "

Bill: * crossing his leg and grinning at Pam* : "Unlike your maker , Mr. Northman, I educated myself on important matters. Such as global warming and our tensions with North Korea. I don't have time for such pop culture nuggets".

Pam: * bending over with her hands on her knees*: " Look Billy, this is why you're not getting laid. You're fucking boring".

Bill: * looking deeply in her blue eyes*: " How am I boring? I thought you ladies prefer to have a man speak to them as equals?"

Pam: * Stands up*: " We do. However, asking a woman on a first date about" * in her best Bill voice* " My dear, what are your thoughts on Kim Jung Li? "

Lafayette: "That pocket size motherfucker scares the shit out of me".

Bill: * Gives Lafayette the side eye*: " So Pam, what's wrong with that? "

Pam: " What I'm trying to say is sometimes..... talking about fluff topics can break the ice".

Bill: * frowning* " I do not concur Pamela".

Pam: : * making a face* : "What have I told you about calling me that?"

Bill rolls his eyes.

Lafayette: " Look we can introduce Bill to Dlisted later".

Bill: " D who?"

Lafayette: " Never mind. Jessica, you got any electric clippers? "

Jessica : " No, but Hoyt has some. I'll text him". * Jessica starts to text him.

Lafayette:* grinning* " Bill, you know what texting is, right?"

Bill gives him a dirty look and doesn't answer him. Jessica's phone beeps. She picks it up.

Jessica: * looking at phone* " Awesome! Hoyt's bringing them over."

Lafayette: "Once he gets here, we'll shave Bill's hair."

Bill: "Excuse me, I'm right here. Do I not get a say in this?"

Pam: "No. Now just sit there and be quiet".

And of course... Bill does.



    

Part 6 Bill's Makeover

Lafayette and Tara are the first arrive at Bill Compton's, ancestral home. Lafayette's reaction as they pull up to driveway is one of disgust. "Damn, Sookie must have seriously been hard up..... because there is no way in hell that my fine ass would have stepped foot in that shit hole" he announces . Tara giggles, " Look who woke up on the bitch side of the bed". They unload Lafayette's trunk of "wardrobe treasures" and walk up to the door. " This motherfucker better be cooperative.....because I don't have time for bullshit", Lafayette says, as he rings the bell. Jessica answers the door , "Hey Y'all..come on in".

Bill is sitting on the red couch, his legs crossed and he's reading a Fodder's Travel Book on Peru. Bill sees Jessica letting Tara and Lafayette in. Bill cringes and realizes that this makeover is happening. Why can't Jessica just let him be. For nearly 170 years Bill has been just fine. His favorite shades of brown and gray, along with his tight pants have always suited him well. Bill thinks to himself, "I'll just be a polite southern gentlemen and listen to their advice. Then after they leave I shall return to my old ways". "Yes, yes", he nods. His man bangs flying back and forth. "That is what I shall do".

" Bill?", Jessica calls out to him. Bill is nodding his head back in forth, smiling. Sort of day dreaming. "Bill! Some of our guests are here!" Jessica says scolding him. Bill snaps out of it. He stands up and walks towards Lafayette and Tara. Mumbling to himself, "Just one night. That's it".

Bill: " Welcome Lafayette and Tara" *smiling* " to my ancestral home."

Tara: "Thank you  Bill. You have..ah.....beautiful house."

Bill: " Thank you, Tara. It has been in the Compton family for centuries".

Lafayette: *eye balling Bill* : " Yeah well, it looks like it. Where can I put this trunk? You getting dressed in the living room?"

Bill: * gasping a bit* : " Ah no , sir. We have ladies here this evening...and we must act like gentlemen. No nudity". * smiling a bit*

Tara: " Bill, you being naked won't bother me. You've seen one dick, you've seen them all".

Lafayette: " Hooker, speak for ya self".

Just then the door bell rings. " Dammit!" Bill thinks to himself. Yup, it's Pam. As usual Pam looks like a  million dollar. Even though tonight, she's a bit dressed down. In jeans, Ked sneakers and a cute sweater from Ann Taylor, Pam looks awesome. Her hair is flowing and even Lafayette can't take his eyes off her. If there's one woman on this planet that Lala would fuck , it's Pam.

Lafayette: " Damn... Pam" * looking her up and down*  "You're looking FINE!"

Pam: * dead pan * "I know", * winks at Lala* , " Now.. where's America's Next Top Model?"

Bill is not happy that Pam has made a joke about him so early in the evening. He ignores her and offers everyone a drink.

Tara: " What do you have?"

Bill: " Fresca, Ginger Ale and of course True blood."

Jessica pipes in : "I have a fruit tray and some chips in the kitchen too" skipping into the kitchen as everyone follows, " And like, oh, Pam , Sookie brought me these blood clot cookies from Talbot. Their like so good." * Pulls them out of the fridge that Hoyt bought Jessica as a surprise a couple of month ago. Okay, let's be honest, Hoyt was sick of drinking warm soda.*

Pam: *smiles* : " Thanks kid" *takes a bite* " Oh, these are good".

Bill: * pouting a bit* " Sookie... gave those to you from Talbot?"

Jessica: " Yeah, she thought Pam would enjoy them."

Bill: * gabbing one of the tray* : " And what am I? Chop liver?" *Before Pam could answer he says* , "Never mind."

Pam: claps her hands once: "Okay, let's get this started before "Just for Men" here * Pointing to Bill* changes his mind".

Bill gasps : "Excuse me? What did you call me?"

Pam: * Taking a swig of her True Blood that Jessica just handed her* : "Bitch, Please... everybody knows you color your hair".

Lafayette * laughing * : " I thought that was a wig."

Bill is now pissed. This is not going well. Jessica starts to panic a bit. She looks at Pam, who has yet to lose her cool. "Damn" Jessica thinks, "I want to be  Pam when I grow up."

Bill:* Flashes his fangs and starts to shout* " I am Vampire! I could destroy all of you in a matter of minutes. I could eat you all alive."    

There is silence. Then there is a roar of laughter.

Pam * walk over to Bill*: "You are so uptight", *wipes the drool from his mouth with a napkin*, "Christ on a cracker, Bill. Lighten up. Tara got your camera ready?"

Tara * with cheese and fruit in her mouth* : 'Right here in my purse."

Bill frowns,  looks down at the floor. Pam starts to guide Bill by his shoulders, into the living room , while carrying a stool from the kitchen. Everyone else follows.  Pam places the stool down in the middle of the floor and point to Bill to sit. He winces a bit and sits down. " This really going to happen" he thinks to himself.

Jessica * hopping up and down* : " OH, MY GOD! Bill this is gonna be like soooo cool! Aren't you excited???"

Bill: * Dead pan* " No."

Pam: *leans over him and whispers in his right ear* : " Come on Bat Boy , relax. Think of me as your maker. Just shut up and do as I say."

What happens next... well it shocks Bill. He finds himself becoming aroused with Pam in such proximity. How could this be? Her perfume? Her flowing hair? Her whispered voice in his ear? This is going to be a long night for the pathetic Bill Compton.


**Part 7 later this week...............**