Bill's makeover... well maybe...part 2...

Jessica comes home from a trip to T-Mobile. She knows that Bill "does not like to type with the numbers". Being the kind hearted vamp that she is. Jessica picked up a Blackberry for her maker.  Jessica finds Bill once again on his red couch,watching Oprah on the DVR. Yeah, he needs a girlfriend.

Jessica: "Hey, Bill. Watching Oprah again?"

Bill: " Ah, yes, my dear. Once again Ms. Winfrey has touched my non-beating heart". *Pauses the DVR*

Jessica: *sitting down next to him*: "What is the show about today?"

Bill: *clears his throat* "Apparently Oprah and her best friend Gayle have traveled to Peru and they have documented their travels for us.... her dear viewers".

Jessica: * playing with her hair* " Yeah, well, Oprah is in her last year, so she's going out with a bang".

Bill: * turning to Jessica with a look of disbelief* "Last , what? "

Jessica: "Yeah, Bill she's done in May, I think."

Bill: "You must be jesting?"

Jessica: " No, I'm not. Beside, she's starting her own cable channel".

Bill: *Begins to mumble to himself* " Just like Sookie. Once again, my heart has been torn apart.."

Jessica: * giving him the side eye* "Ah... I have a something that will cheer you up".

Bill: "Unless you're telling me my daily dose of Ms. Winfrey will continue, I doubt it "

Jessica *Pulls out the phone out the shopping bag and hands it to Bill smiling* "Surprise!"

Bill: * Looking at the phone* " What is... is this a Blackberry?"

Jessica: "See now you won't have to type with the numbers!"

Bill: *tears fill his eyes*: "Oh, my child...you have made your maker happier than a pig in sh.... well never mind. I must not curse. You are a pure, innocent girl... virgin ears must not hear such words."

Jessica: " Pig in shit. You can say it. I work in a bar, remember? Plus I'm not that innocent. Hoyt and I have a LOT of sex. I mean a lot."

Bill: * Patting Jessica on the shoulder* : "Well, well... like that the kids say these days TMI. Right, okay."

Jessica: "Bill, you okay? You look a bit flush? And you've been dead 145 years."

Bill: *Wiping his face with his hands* "Oh, yes, yes. Anyway, again thank you for the phone."

Jessica "Oh" * raising her hands up* : "Before I forget. Tomorrow, Pam's coming over".

Bill: * Now looking likes he's going to throw up*: "Oh, why in the name of all that is holy.... is that vile harlot coming to my ancestral home?"

Jessica: "Look before, like you get all weird.. she's coming over to help me... give you ...like a make-over".

Bill: *eyes widen* "Why? I'm vampire. "

Jessica: " Yeah, Bill , you're vampire. So?"

Bill: *Giving Jessica a condescending look* "My dear... Vampires do not need makeovers. We're too cool for that".

Jessica *pauses *: "Ah... Bill you need one. "

Bill: "Excuse me?'

Jessica: * Takes a deep breathe* " You're so....lame. You're clothes are so tight. They're all brown. You have man bangs. Plus.... I know you use "Just for Men" on your hair".

Bill: " I, I, I ...  do not dye my hair. This all naturale".

Jessica: " Bill, the other day when Hoyt was looking for toilet paper, he looked under the sink in your bathroom and found the box of hair dye".

Bill: " Well, that's not mine..."

Jessica: " Bill...."

Bill: "Okay fine! It's mine! I've been going gray since I was 19. Before I was vampire. Please, please do not tell anyone. You see this look is my lively hood . You must not tell Pam. She will tell that maker of hers. I will be a source of amusement for those two." *mocking Pam's voice*  " Hey, Eric, guess what? Man bangs dyes his hair? Hehehhehe". *grunts* " I hate that woman".

Jessica: "Bill, chill. Look Pam's coming over . As a favor to me. She promised me she will behave. Please? I promise you.. with your new look.. you'll be procuring some new Chickie before you know it."

Bill: " Oh, alright. Fine. But the minute she calls me Bat Boy, She is out of here."

Jessica * smiling* " Awesome! This is gonna be fun. Okay, go back to Oprah."

Jessica starts to head upstairs, when Bill calls to her.

Bill: "Oh, my child. Before I forget. You realize we don't have toilet paper. As we are vampire... we do not defecate. So I'm assuming Hoyt was not able to use the bathroom. Correct?"

Jessica: "Ah, well... he really needed to go. So I told him to wipe himself with a towel".

Bill: " Please tell me... it was number 1..."

Jessica: " Number 1? Oh, you mean did he pee? No, he had had Taco Bell for lunch. Yeah....he took a massive shit. Yeah... I told him to use the towels in your bathroom. * pauses* Oh wait, did I wash those?"

Bill shaking his head, heads back to the couch. Well at least he still has Oprah.