Bill calls Sookie......Yeah, like that's a good idea.

Bill is doing an inventory of his home library. Yeah, he's that lame that on a Saturday night, he's arranging his books in alphabetic order.  He realizes as he gets to his self help books, he's missing a couple of titles. Hmmmm. This will be his excuse to contact Sookie.

Ring, Ring,

*giggling can be heard as her phone is being answered. Then a male voice is pretending to be Sookie answers the phone*

?: "Hellooooo....."

Bill: "Ah.. Sookie, my dear it's William L. Compton"

? : "Que?"

Bill: "Oh, my apologizes... have I reached La Casa de Sookie Stackhouse?"

? : * more giggling* " Hey Bat Boy, it's Eric... you're such a dumb ass, hang on... "

Sookie: * Laughing very loudly* "Bill, what do you want?"

Bill: * grunts* "Sookie, I do not appreciate being used as a source of you and Mr. Northman's amusement."

* More giggling*

Eric: *coughs* "Pussy."

Sookie: " Look I told you not to contact me anymore. What do you want?"

Bill: " You truly like to hurt me don't you, Sookie?"

*Sookie moving her right hand in a jerk off motion. Eric is laughing even harder now*

Sookie: "Here we go again... Ah, Billy is the victim....... Wah, every one's against him, Wah... "

Eric- * coughs* "Loser".

Bill- * grunting* "Is he listening in? How dare he!!!"

Eric: *coughs* "Man bangs*

Sookie: " What do you want ? We're busy?"

* Eric points to the bathroom and mouths, "Shower time , Lover"*

Bill: * clears throat* " I was wondering if you had 2 of my books."

Sookie: * letting out a sigh* " You can't be serious? You called about books ?"

* At this point Eric is turning on the shower . The steam is starting to rise."

Bill:" Yes,  as I have explained to you before... since I'm vampire..."

*Sookie is now watching Eric undress... not listening to Bill*

Sookie: " Huh?"

Bill: "Are you listening to me?"

*Sookie now notices Eric is now totally naked. He turns around and winks at her*

Bill: "As I was saying I'm vampire...there was a time before TV and the Internet ....books were our gateway to the outside world... So my dear...books are so very important to..."

* Sookie cuts Bill off*

Sookie: " What books are you looking for Bill? Quickly!!!!"

Bill: " Well... you seem uninterested in our conversation... What could be more interesting than speaking with me?"

* Eric calls out to Sookie*

Eric: "Lover, where did you put the soap? Did we use up that last bar ?"

Sookie: "Ah, medicine cabinet... I'll be right there... "

Bill: "Sookie, you are being quite rude. I am speaking to you..... Hello, Sookie"

Sookie: " Look Bill, I need to go, so what are the books? "

Bill: "Well let's see... there is the Dr. Phil book ..hmmm...... Then "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"... let's see..."

*Eric calls from the bathroom*

Eric: *smiling* "Lover... A gracious plenty awaits you..."

Sookie: " Look Bill, I'll check my books, I HAVE TO GO!"

Bill: "Sookie , you sound like your in trouble. Do you need my assistance?"

Sookie: **starts laughing** " Fuck no... " as she's hanging up the phone.. "Eric, Your Lover's ready for her viking boat ride......"

Click.