Bill's Makeover, Part 9

As Bill stood in front of his full-length mirror, he wasn't sure what he hated more. His now shaved head or the suit Lafayette put him in. Lala had dressed him a dark gray, Hugo Boss suit. It wasn't ill-fitting like most of Bill's clothes, so this was a new experience for him. Change was not something that Bill Compton embraces.  Bill could hear Pam, Jessica, Hoyt and Tara in the parlor playing his Wii. Apparently, Pam was quite skilled at his bowling game. To quote Tara, "Pam was moping the floor with Hoyt". Normally, Bill liked his women weak and needy. Bill enjoys having the upper hand. Sick, I know. Bill Compton is really a shrink's wet dream. However, Bill found Pam to be the exception. He found himself daydreaming of Pam putting him over her knee and spanking him. "Oh, Billy, you've been a bad, bad boy". Yeah, paging Dr. Freud.

Lafayette: *standing next to Bill* "So boyfriend, what do ya think?"

Bill: *grunting a bit*: " I must say Lafayatte... I hate what you've done to my hair."

Lafayette: " Yeah, you do look like an old ass Charlie Brown......However, you will be thanking me later. "

Bill: " Oh, really? How is that?"

Lafayette: " Look... your hair was super damaged from you dying it. You needed a fresh start. Besides, as you like to say ,* putting up his hands in a quoting movement* "I'm Vampire", your hair will be grown back in a week. I'm sure you'll have a Justin Beiber hair do before you know it."

Bill: " Who is this Beiber fellow?"

Lafayette: *  throwing his hands up* : "You are the lamest motherfucker ever. So what about the suit?"

Bill: *Making a face*: "Well.... it's.... okay."

Lafayette : * raising his voice*: " Okay? Your civil war, country ass can't be serious? That's Hugo Fucking Boss , you have on!"

Bill: *Giving Lala the side eye* " Is that a friend of yours?"

Lafayette: * talking to himself* : " I swear to fucking God! This is what I get. No good deed goes unpunished."

Bill: " Look, Lafayette... I appreciate the suit but I'm not sure this is my style."

Lafayette: " Okay, what is your style? Hee Haw? Country Strong? What? Tell me, because that's a mother fucking $7500 suit on your vampire ass!"

Bill: * Looking stunned* : " What?!?!"

Lafayette: " Hell, I got that suit from an old boyfriend mine."

Bill: "You dated someone who could afford this kind of suit?"

Lafayette: " Don't look surprise, asshole. He was a senator. Besides, I'm giving it to you because that brings back too many bad memories."

Bill: * Feeling bad about being bratty*: "Well... thank you Lafayette. Your generosity is appreciated. I apologize for being so rude.* smiles* I'll wear this Huey Boss with pride."

Lafayette: " It's HUGO BOSS. And your welcome."

Lafayette starts to collect his things and starts cleaning up.

Bill: "Shall I show everyone how I look in this?"

Lafayette: " Go ahead."

Bill walks into the parlor and everyone but Pam turns around. Jessica let's out a yelp. She rushes over her maker and gives him hug.

Jessica: "Bill, you look so handsome!!!!"

Hoyt: " Look at you, Vampire Bill. So GQ."

Tara gives Bill a smile and a thumbs up. Pam meanwhile continues to play on the Wii.

Bill: " So Pam ... what is your verdict?"

Pam: * Still playing her video game, she gives Bill a quick glance*,  " Well you look nice Bill. Now shut the fuck up while I play my game. "

Bill has never been so turned on.

Part 8, Bill's Makeover

Bill Compton sits on the stool with both his legs and arms crossed. Bill is staring at the floor in his parlor ,wondering to himself,  how the hell did he allow his vampire "child", Jesscia, to talk him into this.  Here's a vampire that has for nearly two decades had no problems getting what he wants. Well... that's not really true. He lied and cheated on Sookie and lost her to the ultimate vampire, Eric Northman. Yes, but before Sookie, he remembers getting lot's of action. Well that's not true either. Bill was in a monogamous relationship , well by vampire standards, for about a hundred years with Lorena. Maybe Bill's not the player he thinks he is. Just as Bill gets his "AH HA moment" ( yes, he's obsession with Oprah may have helped him after all), Hoyt is at the door with the electric clippers.

Jessica opens the front doors and welcomes her "bubba-boy", ( yeah, that's her nickname for him. I know, gag me), with kisses. Pam looks over at them and declares, " If I wanted to see The Notebook, I'd rent it. Can you two cut the crap and let's cut Bat Boy's hair already".

Hoyt and Jessica stop their kissing and walk into the parlor hand in hand. Handing the clippers to Pam who's finishing her text message to her maker, Eric. The text reads, " Hey Boss, I should taken you up on your offer and had you video taped this. We could have been a YouTube hit".

Hoyt: *smiling* " Hey y'all! Vampire Bill, having fun yet?"

Bill grunts and keep his eyes on the floor.

Lafayette: * giving Hoyt the side eye and in a dead pan voice* : " Yeah, it's like Christmas Morning around here"

Hoyt: " Yeah, well Lafayette this is so much better than what Mama had planned"

Lafayette:* smiling*" Let me guess, boyfriend, pork rinds for dinner and Hew Haw on TV?"

Hoyt: " I wish" *Tara holding the fruit tray up to Hoyt. He grabs a handful of grapes* " Thanks Tara...Anyway..... Yeah, Mama..... well... She's got an infected hang nail and wanted me to clean it."

Pam: *Looking up from her phone*: " Are you kidding?"

Hoyt: " No, ma'am." * stuffing his face* "Last week she wanted me to help her wax her bikini line but I said no"

Lafayette: * Shaking his head* " Why haven't you and Maxine been on Springer yet ?"

Bill let's out a sigh and a cough. Pam looks over at Tara and calls her over.

Pam: " Tara, I need to take pictures of Bill's hair before I shave it"

Tara: "Cool"* Walks over to Bill and starts taking pictures. Bill is not amused.

Tara: " Smile , Bill!"

Bill: " I'm not in the mood"

Tara: " Okay. Whatever. I just thought "Smiling Bill" better than "Frowning Bill"

Bill let's out a grunts. Tara rolls her eyes, takes a few more pictures and returns to the couch.

Tara: * Looks at Pam* : " He's yours now"

Bill: " Pamela, is this truly necessary?...." Pam snaps her fingers and cuts him off.

Pam: " Quit your bitching , Billy".

Suddenly Bill notices that Pam has small dimples on her cheeks. It's a something he's never noticed before.

Bill: " Ah, Pam are those dimples on your cheeks?"

Pam: " Yeah, why" * he notices her chest moving a bit when she spoke.

Bill: " Well their quite endearing"

Pam: " What the fuck are you talking about? " * calls Lafayette over* " Hey, Lala, let's get this party started"

Lafayette: " Hold on, Hooker... you're not shaving his head. I get this one"

Pam: "Excuse me? "

Lafayette: " Come baby girl, I deserve this "

Pam: * gets really close to his face, smiling* " So what do I get in return, if I let you do this?"

Bill notices Pam is just inches from Lafayette's face. Bill finds himself dreaming of what it would be like to be in Lafayette's place. Bill notices how Pam's jeans hug her body. "How is Northman not bedding this creature every night?" he thinks to himself. Bill just can't get his eyes off Pam.

Lafayette: " A spanking?"

Pam: * Giggles* " I like how you think" *Touches Lafayette's cheek* " Here you go Lala" * Hands him the clippers

Lafayette: * stands behind Bill* "Okay, Bill time for a fresh start. Ready?"

Bill  is so distracted by Pam's ass, he doesn't notice the clumps of hair falling from his head.

Part 7, Bill's Makeover

As Bill sits on the stool in living room, he watches as Pam circles him. Her eyes are clearly on that mop on the top of his head. Bill finds himself wondering if the attraction is mutual."It must be" he thinks. Bill does think very highly of himself. Bill has had many lovers in his past. Well according to him anyway.* Eye Roll*  Not as many as that smoking hot viking, Eric Northman.  But then again , no one living or undead can measure up to Northman. Bill locks eye contact with Pam and flashes a grin. Nothing. No reaction from Pam. "What if I wink at her? ", Bill thinks to himself. Once again Pam comes around in view of his eyes. Bill winks. Pam stops dead in her tracks. " Bat Boy, please tell me that you have something in your eye. I'm in no mood for your fuckery".  Bill gasps and tries to come up with a quick and witty response. He's too late Pam has now turned her attention to Lafayette.

Pam: " Lafayette, I'm starting to think we need to just shave his head". * picking up his manbangs*

Bill: * Letting out a gasp* : "Ah... Pam.. I do not believe that is necessary. You see that my hair...."

Pam: * placing her right pointer finger to her lips* " Shhhhh" * This gets Bill a bit excited*

Lafaytte: * Looking at Bill's hair* : "Yeah, I second that".

Bill: " I will politely disagree with you both. My hair is just in need of a trim.... that's all".

Lafayette: * looks at Pam, then back at Bill* : 'Look Dracula.. You've dyed your hair so much and so often ... you need a fresh start".

Pam: * Arms crossed and grinning* : " You could be just like Brittany Spears".

Everyone let's out a giggle.

Bill: * makes a face* : " Comparing me to a woman? Who is this Spears person?"

The whole room, except for Pam are in disbelief.

Jessica: * sitting on the couch with Tara* : "Wait! Wait! You don't know who Brittany Spears is?"

Tara: * stuffing herself still with the fruit tray* " Aren't you suppose to be mainstreaming?"

Pam: " I'm not surprised" * looking at Bill with pity*

Bill: " Are you done mocking me? " *pause in the air* " Well then, who is she?"

Lafayette * Brushing Bill's hair" : " She's a pop star. Her music is the bomb.* Starts to hum, " Womanizer"* , " Anyway, one day she shaved her head Bald. Like Sined O' Connor."

Bill: " Who's Sined O'Connor"

Lafayette * Stops and looks at Bill*: " Hooker, you can't be serious?"

Tara: "Wait! Wait! You're kidding?"

Bill * shaking his head up and down* : "I am not in jesting mood" * Glances at Pam and notices she looking right him. " I can feel the heat", Bill thinks to himself, "There's hope".

Pam: "You claim that your mainstreaming, yet you have no idea who these woman are. "

Bill: * crossing his leg and grinning at Pam* : "Unlike your maker , Mr. Northman, I educated myself on important matters. Such as global warming and our tensions with North Korea. I don't have time for such pop culture nuggets".

Pam: * bending over with her hands on her knees*: " Look Billy, this is why you're not getting laid. You're fucking boring".

Bill: * looking deeply in her blue eyes*: " How am I boring? I thought you ladies prefer to have a man speak to them as equals?"

Pam: * Stands up*: " We do. However, asking a woman on a first date about" * in her best Bill voice* " My dear, what are your thoughts on Kim Jung Li? "

Lafayette: "That pocket size motherfucker scares the shit out of me".

Bill: * Gives Lafayette the side eye*: " So Pam, what's wrong with that? "

Pam: " What I'm trying to say is sometimes..... talking about fluff topics can break the ice".

Bill: * frowning* " I do not concur Pamela".

Pam: : * making a face* : "What have I told you about calling me that?"

Bill rolls his eyes.

Lafayette: " Look we can introduce Bill to Dlisted later".

Bill: " D who?"

Lafayette: " Never mind. Jessica, you got any electric clippers? "

Jessica : " No, but Hoyt has some. I'll text him". * Jessica starts to text him.

Lafayette:* grinning* " Bill, you know what texting is, right?"

Bill gives him a dirty look and doesn't answer him. Jessica's phone beeps. She picks it up.

Jessica: * looking at phone* " Awesome! Hoyt's bringing them over."

Lafayette: "Once he gets here, we'll shave Bill's hair."

Bill: "Excuse me, I'm right here. Do I not get a say in this?"

Pam: "No. Now just sit there and be quiet".

And of course... Bill does.