Bill's has a new look but he's still pathetic........

It's been about a month since Bill's had his makeover. Jessica has convinced Bill to join , VampireMatch.com. So far he's been on a few dates. Yeah, he looks better but he's still as dull as dish water. So.... no repeat dates. That's alright with Bill. There's just one vampire on his mind.....Pam.

The Queen sent Bill down to Peru for two weeks ago for some "official business." No one for sure knows what that is. I'm sure it's something sleazy and underhanded. That's Compton's style. While in Lima, he bought Pam a lovely gift. Bill couldn't wait to present it to her.

Bill returns to his ancestral home on all nights.... Super Bowl Sunday. As Bill pulls up in his driveway, he notices Hoyt's pick-up is there. Bill let's out a grunt. It's not that he doesn't like Hoyt. Bill was hoping he could return to a quiet home. Maybe relax with a True Blood, maybe turn some Kenny G. on. And of course...plan his seduction of Pam Ravenscroft. As Bill turns the key into the lock, he could hear the TV on full blast and lots of yelling. Bill let's in a deep breath and walks in. Bill's plans would have to wait.

The first thing Bill sees is Hoyt. He's sitting on Bill's red couch wearing nothing but his boxer shorts. Hoyt has his legs stretched out on Bill's grandmother's coffee table. Bill notices a beer on the table. The can is sweaty and dripping all over the table with NO coaster. Not to mention the worst part, Hoyt has one hand in a bag of chips and the other is scratching his balls. Bill could feel his fangs about to come out, when Hoyt spots him.

Hoyt: " Hey there, Vampire Bill! You're just in time! The half time show is about to start."

Bill: * Let's out a grunt* " Yes, well games of violence do not interest me. Can you please use a coaster on that table. My great-grandfather made that table as a wedding gift for my parents."

Hoyt: * looks at the table* " Okay... but I ain't sure how's that gonna help... there's a big ring on the table already."

Bill closes his eyes. Trying to remember the mantra that his maker , Lorena taught him at times like this. " Must not attack. A morons blood is not good for your digestion". Just then Jessica comes through the kitchen door holding a True Blood and a bowl of cheese dip.

Jessica: * Shocked to see him* " Oh, Bill!  You're home!!! "

Bill: " Yes, I left you a message on the answering machine 2 days ago."

Hoyt: * Licking his finger* " Oh, hell, I remember hearing that message. I think I may have erased it . My bad."

Bill* Feeling his blood boiling* - "Why would you erase it?"

Jessica: " Well... Hoyt's been staying here ,while you've been gone and I told him to check the messages during the day, while I slept. No big deal. Welcome back! "

Bill: " Thank you, my child. I'll leave you two... *grunts*... to watch these barbarians. I shall retreat to my parlor to read my mail and so forth."

Hoyt: " Barbarians? Hell, Bill ! I thought you'd love football and all."

Bill: *giving Hoyt a condescending look* " Now why on Earth would I enjoy this?"

Hoyt: " Well...* giving Bill a goofy smile* " Being a Viking and all... you may have seen Rome and stuff. You know with Daniel from the bible and them lions in the den."

Jessica:* hitting Hoyt on the shoulder* "No, no ... " *smiles at Bill* " Honey, I think you're confused. Bill is from Civil War times. * whispering* " Eric is the viking".

Hoyt: * Looks at Jessica confused*: " Oh....So.... Eric seen them lions?"

Bill: " Hoyt.... *takes a deep breath* " because you are my child's beau, I shall ignore your unbelievably, bad knowledge of world history. Now.... where is my mail?."

Jessica: " On the kitchen counter".

As Bill heads into the kitchen, Jessica waits till he's in the kitchen to scold Hoyt.

Jessica: "What is wrong with you? "

Hoyt: "What?" *stuffing himself with more chips*

Jessica: " You can not make that mistake again. Bill is very sensitive about Eric.

Hoyt stares blankly at Jessica

Jessica: "You know..." * moving her hands* " With Eric being older, better looking , dating Sookie. Get it?"

Hoyt: " Oh yeah... * stares out into space for a moment*.." I get it now. Sorry, Jess. I won't do it no more."

Jessica gives him a quick kiss on the cheek.

Hoyt: " Hell, I can understand why Bill's so insecure. Hell, I'm 100% heterosexual.... as you know. *Winks* " And hell... I'd let Eric have his way with he me. That Eric Northman is damn sexy."

Of course, years of Hoyt working on county roads with no ear protection, has caused Hoyt to be quite hard of hearing. Plus Hoyt doesn't know how to whisper.... so of course...Bill heard him. "Deep breath. Must not attack. A morons blood is not good for your digestion". And so the mantra is repeated over and over again by the Pathetic Bill Compton.