Bill calls Fangtasia .

Ring, Ring......

Dead pan female voice answers , "Fangtasia... It's always a bloody good time..."

Bill: "Yes, this is William B. Compton calling ... for ..ahhh... Eric Northman"

Pam: "Oh, Bat Boy...( breathes deeply) it's Pam. Please tell me you're calling about Eric's Phone"

Bill: Well, Pamela, this is matter that is between me and your... ahhh ..Maker. So put Mr. Northman on"

Pam: "Well Man Bangs.. (applying lipstick)... he's not here. So you..ahh ahh.. get me. Where's his phone?"

Bill: "I shall call later then"

Pam" No, you're gonna deal with me now. When Eric is out, I'm in charge. Where's his phone, Tight Pants?"

Bill: " I do not wish for your tone, Pamela. May I remind you.... I am * counting on his fingers and toes*....64.3 years older than you are and ..."

Pam: "Blah, Blah, shut the fuck up, Bleeeeh... Look I'm not afraid of you. You may be "older" but one kick to your little bat balls and you'll hit the floor like a drunken sorority girl. Now for the last time, where is Eric's phone?"

Bill: " Ahhhh.. I have it.. but I wish to present it to Eric myself. Mr. Northman and I have some business to discuss , "Mano a Mano".. You being a woman would not..."

Pam: "Would not what? Understand? Listen you fucking Edward Cullen wanna be... you're not EVEN worthy of licking my $3000 Gucci Boots. So... Don't you even go there!"

Bill:"Oh, Pamela, I believe I may have found your... ahhhh.. (giggling) weak spot... You see Pamela..."

Pam: "And who the hell do you think you are..... calling me, Pamela? No one and I mean NO One calls me Pamela'

Bill: "Oh, have I angered you, my dear...."

Pam: "Look asshole, you have an hour... oh, wait, you can't fly like Eric... let's make it 2 hours to get in that pretentious yuppie piece of shit BMW of yours and bring me that phone. You got it , Bleeeeeh???"

Bill: "No"

Pam: "Bat Boy, you're making this hard on yourself. I have a wooden bullet and a spray can of silver with your name on it"

Bill: "Where's Eric?"

Pam: "Out"

Bill: "Where, if I may ask?"

Pam: "Are you into S&M?"

Bill: "Excuse me?"

Pam: "Because you must like pain... if you really need to know... he and Sookie are on a double date"

Bill: (gasping)... that is most unusual... Sookie always wanted to double date with Tara and Sam or Jason and whatever slut he was banging... but neither cared to join us.... hmmm"

Pam: "Well that doesn't seem to be an issue with Eric. They're over at the Edgington's. Talbot's took a few cooking courses at the community college and wanted to have them over. It's like... their ... (smiling).. married..."

Bill: "Yes, Talbot and Russell are committed in marriage... it's been 700 years and all..."

Pam: "No, asshole, I'm talking about  Eric and Sookie. Now time is a wasting... bring me that phone"

Bill:" Alright... ( sighing a bit ) ... I wonder if Talbot made those yummy chum balls with the O neagative... the are so ....

Pam: "Focus Bill.... phone....NOW"

Click

Bill: "Bitch"