Just touching the door handle on the front door is enough to make her reach into her Chanel handbag for Purel. Pam maybe a vampire and could rip the heads off any living creature on Earth. However , germs. Yeah, you might as well be silver. Pam steps into the bar looking like something out of the fall issue of Harper's Biazzre . Her Chanel bag matches her 2 piece vintage Chanel cream and pink color suit with fabulous pink Christian Louboutin, 5 inch heels. She's wearing her hair in a twist and has on her Mikimoto Pearl set to complete the look. Yeah, your damn right. The real Queen of the Damned has arrived.
The first person to spot her is Arlene. "Oh hell, look what the cat dragged in", Arlene mumbles to herself. It's really out of pure jealously. Arlene is not what you would call stylish. Arlene hair is a shade of red that does not exist in nature. Her Lee Press on Nails are always getting lost in the potato salad. She's been married 4 times. Most recently was engaged to a serial killer. Though she does have two of the cutest kids ever. I would suggest that Arlene start saving some money for those kids shrink bills. Their gonna need it having Arlene as a Mama.
As Pam is scanning the room, every "Bubba" and "Redneck" in the place has stopped munching on their food to check out this lovely creature. Tara is manning the bar and looks up to see Pam. She waves her over. Before Pam sits down on one of the stools, she takes a napkin and wipes the seat.
Tara: "Pam, we do wipe the seats, you know?"
Pam: " Sorry, Tara, but it looks like the circus has stopped by for dinner. I'm not taking any chance".
Arlene walks over and injects her two cents. "Damn Vamp, I hope you got to hell".
Pam *turns around and giggles* : " You should buy stock in Kool-Aid".
Arlene * looking puzzled for a moment* : "Why?"
Pam * Tapping her nails on the bar* : "You use so much of passion punch on that hair of yours, I thought you might as well invest in the company".
At this point Tara is laughing out loud: "Oh, snap..."
Arlene * frowning* " Well... at least.. I'm breathing ..."
Pam * rolling her yes* : "Look "Walmart" I wouldn't even bother feeding off you, if you were the last human on earth".
Arlene stomps away. Tara offers Pam a True Blood.
Tara: "O, right?"
Pam * giving her the side eye* : "What do I look like to you? Compton? AB Negative, please".
Tara: "Ooh, fancy. Pardon me" * Handing Pam the True Blood* " You know Sookie's not here".
Pam: * Wiping the top of the bottle with a napkin* " Yeah, I know. I saw her at Eric's tonight. She worked the early shift".
Tara * Leaning over the bar* : "What does Sookie do over there?"
Pam: *taking a sip* : "Not bad. Hmm. Besides, having sex for hours?"
Tara: "Yeah."
Pam: " Usually catching up on the DVR. They like Survivor. Though I think it took Eric awhile to realize that at the end of the show, no one was going to be sacrificed. * takes another sip*,"You know about the Yoga lessons, right?"
Tara: "Yeah, I think it's an excuse, so they can work their way through the Kama Sutra".
Pam: " Yeah, they've done that already. I think they just want to be more flexible." *winks at Tara*
Tara: "Damn she's lucky. Sam always wants me to rub his belly when we get done".
Pam: * takes another sip*: " Yeah, that's a shifter for you".
Tara: "Okay, so why are you here? Not that I'm not enjoying yakking with you."
Pam: " I'm here to see your cousin."
Tara: " Lala, why?"
Pam: "I need his "Cover Girl" expertise"
Tara: "Does this have to do with Bill's makeover? You have got to let me come over. I'll do "Before and After" pictures".
Pam: "Fine. You're on".
Tara: " I'll get Lafayette".
Tara walks back into the kitchen and calls out to Lafayette through the pick up window.
Tara: " Hey, Lala, Someone is here to see you?"
LaFayette is in the middle of making his famous , "Bitch, this gonna rip you up gumbo". Lafayette is looking fabulous as usual. Purple silk head scarf, skin tight "7 for all Mankind Jeans" with an equally skin tight purple tank top. That unfortunately is being covered up with an apron.
Lafayette: "Unless it's Jesus, my boyfriend and the son of God, I'm not in the mood for people".
Tara: "It's Pam".
Lala drops his ladle. You can almost see a panic come over his beautiful face. He rushes over to the window. Starts to speak in a whisper.
Lafayette: " Tell her I'm not here".
Tara: *dead pan*: " Too late. She knows you're here".
Lafayette: " Motherfucker. Look I can not deal with her. That bitch scare the shit out of me. Don't let that pink fool you".
Suddenly, Pam appears at the window. " Come on Lala... let's go in the walk in freezer for old time sakes".
LaFayette looks at Pam and nods his head. "Watch my gumbo, Tara".
Inside the walk-in, Pam pulls out a Kleenex and lays it on a case of beers, then sits down. While Lala, stands up against the wall, freaking out... on the inside.
Pam: " Lafayette, calm down. This is a friendly visit.Look I need a favor".
Lala: "From me? It's not April Fool's Day, Hooker....I'm not in the mood".
Pam * smiling* " I can see why Sookie likes you. Look I'm not sure if Jessica has told you about me helping her with Bill Compton's makeover".
Lala: * Rolling his eyes* "I told that girl, she's wasting her time. I told her it would easier getting Andy laid than Bill. At least Andy leaves the house and his accent doesn't sound like Gomer Pyle".
Pam * smiling *" Yeah, well that's my thought. However, I do have a soft spot for baby vamp. So I agreed to help her".
Lala: "Wait, wait.... are you and Jessica friends?"
Pam: " Don't push it "Kiss of the Spider Woman". Look since still technically ....you owe me and Eric over that little V issue... you're coming over next week and you're going to help me".
Lala: * putting his hands up* "Hell no".
Pam: "Excuse me?"
Lala: "Look I'm pretty close to shitting in my pants... and these bitches cost me a fortune... However, helping Bill does not seem like something I feel like doing. I know I have an attitude.. but I hate that man."
Pam: " Shh... Look you come over with your trunk of clothes and help me dress Bat Boy and .. well... we'll be even".
Lala is now speechless.
Pam: "Cat got your tongue? We gotta deal... Fryboy?"
Lala: " Yes, ma'am".
Pam gets up and starts to head out the door of the walk-in. Just then Lala calls out to here.
Lala: " By the way, girlfriend.. I gotta say.. You're looking fierce tonight".
Pam * smiles* : "You like , huh? Vintage except for the shoes, bitch".
Lala: " I will say you are one sexy vamp".
Pam: * gets right in Lala's face*: " Are you flirting with me?"
Lala: *smiles* " Maybe I am".
Pam: "Don't tease Lafayette, I may turn you".
Lala: " Into a Vamp?"
Pam: * Touching his face* " Straight "
Then clicks her heels and heads out the door.
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