Bill receives a muffin basket

It appears that someone does love Bill Compton after all. Earlier today Bill receives a muffin basket. The note is very "mysterious" and of course Bill assumes ........and you know what they say when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me. So Bat Boy calls "Grammy Ellen's" muffins.

Ring ring...

"Hello and thank you for calling Grammy Ellen's Muffins. For English press one, for Espanol press two, for Ancient Vampire languages press three".   

He presses one, because of course.... he's MAINSTREAMING

A perky cheerleader type answers the call: "Thank you for calling Grammy Ellen's, this Debbie, how can I assist you?"

Bill: "Yes, Miss Debbie... This William M. Compton, I received one of your pastry baskets this fine evening".

Debbie: "Yes, Mr. Compton, I hope you're enjoying your basket"

Bill: "Well that is the issue. You see... ah.. Miss Debbie.. I'm Vampire and well we can not enjoy things like humans can, for instance ....... the dozen blueberry and cranberry muffins, that occupies this lovely...basket.. that looks like the baskets my mother use to weave.... Though this one appears to be made in China... hmmm"

Debbie: "Oh, that is a shame. We do have Vampire basket. I would be more than happy to rush you out another one".

Bill: "Ahhhh, yes... Debbie that would be.... most... delightful indeed"

Debbie: "Well we have our bloody clot collection that is our most popular. How does that sound?"

Bill: "Oh, Debbie it is as if... well you can read my mind... You're not part Fae are you?" 

Debbie: "Fae? No, I'm Irish"

Bill: " *laughing* You Debbie are such a card"

Debbie: "So I guess the Bloody Clot collection it is!"

Bill; "Oh, Debbie I do have another question... I must say... this one is a puzzle, I hope to solve... though .. *giggling* .. I believe.... I know the answer"

Debbie: "Your question?"

Bill: "Oh, yes... forgive me...I see that on the card it is simply signed, " If only..." Oh, Debbie I must know... who is this angel.. that sent me this sweet by useless gift".

Debbie: " Okay........ Compton? Your zip?"

Bill: "Oh, yes, my dear that would be 70000... I feel like a child on Christmas morning,,, awaiting that special gift.."

Debbie: "Okay, here it is... Oh, it's from someone named Lorena.."

Bill: "Dammit! That vile,abominable, detestable, horrendous harlot..."

Debbie: ** breathes in deeply**  "Soooo, this isn't who you thought it was?"

Bill: " You must understand , Miss Debbie, this woman... I do use that term loosely...  is my maker... because I'm Vampire...."

Debbie: ** rolling her eyes** "Maybe she's trying to be nice "

Bill: " I doubt that. She must be still be upset about that neck twisting.....*sighs* Well that's neither here nor there"

Debbie: "Well I'll send you that Clot basket out tomorrow. That should cheer you up"

Bill: "Oh, Debbie, you're most thoughtful. "

Debbie: "Glad I could help. Anything else I can do for you this evening?"

Bill: " Well.. *giggling* only if... *snickering* ... Oh, I must behave...."

Debbie: ** lifting a pad of paper that reads " I have a perv on the phone" and showing it to the person in the cubicle next to her** ......."Yeah, Goodnight, Mr. Compton"

Bill: "Yes .. *breathing heavily* ... yes, yes..... indeeeeee..........

Click...